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Monday, December 02, 2002

Droppin' Knowledge 12/02

VILLAGE OF SELLOUT SPRINGS
I remember the first time that I made a visit to Cedarville. At some point during me and my parents' journey through this lil nook of Southwest Ohio we stumbled upon the enchanting Village of Yellow Springs. We were amazed and stunned by this spirited town that popped up in the middle of nowhere. I grew to love the always-hopping town that acts as a sister community to El Jicaro, Nicaragua. Whether it be the great atmosphere and great tastes of Ye Old Trail Tavern, or the wide selection of obscure music at Dingleberry's, Yellow Springs was always just a cool place to go to relax. The easy going nature of the inhabitants was infectious, and always put a smile on my face. I always thought that Yellow Springs was the epitome of quirky cool. That's why I was so disappointed to see a commercial for the Village of Yellow Springs while I was watching King of the Hill the other day. Yes it's true, nothing can make me too mad in the middle of another fantastic episode of King of the Hill, but the commercial was disheartening. Yellow Springs is trying to position itself as some sort of haven for the Christmas gift-buying soccer mom, boasting about it's shops and close proximity to the Mall at Fairfield Commons. Since when does Yellow Springs have to play that way? Yellow Springs is cool enough that the people that are too blind to realize that they should give HaHa Pizza or Moody Shoes a try don't deserve the prodding of a 30 second late afternoon television commercial. Yellow Springs advertising on TV is like Neil Young allowing his tour to be sponsored by Mountain Dew Code Red, it just doesn't fly. I would still love Neil if he accepted a sponsorship, but I wouldn't respect him as much, and I don't respect Yellow Springs as much.

GRINCH NO MORE

I have been called a Grinch before because I don't always "Get in the Christmas Spirit". I have always realized that Christmas music and the Christmas atmosphere don't excite me as much as some, but I always am truly moved when that second hand goes from 11:59:59 pm Dec. 24 to 12:00:00 Dec. 25. I have diagnosed my lack of Christmas spirit as a disdain for crappy, so-called Christmas music. Yeah that's right, I dislike Christmas music. Before you picture me with a cane and a t-shirt that says "BAH HUMBUGG", let me clarify. Not all music that is passed off as Christmas music is really Christmas music. "Hark the Herald Angels Sing", "Silent Night" - these are real Christmas songs, but I am convinced that upwards of 70% of Christmas music is not Christmas music at all! I think real Christmas music should, at some point or another, mention Christ and his birthday! Most of it does not even come close! Let me give you a taste of what I've been subjected to just about every day, for the last two Christmas seasons :

"Santa Baby" - "Santa cutie, there's one thing that I really need, Santa baby, slip a sable under the tree, For me.I've been an awful good girl, Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight." (imagine this performed by a disgustingly whiny/flirty female voice)

"What Christmas Means To Me" - "Candles burning low,Lots of mistletoe,Lots of snow and ice Everywhere we go Choirs singing carols Right outside my door All these things and more All these things and more That's what Christmas means to me, my love Christmas means to me, my love" (the legenday Stevie Wonder stumbles through this ode to remind us that Christmas isn't about a virgin birth and the arrival of the God-man that will change the course of history, it's really about kissing strangers under a plant, and singing songs in the cold)

"We Wish You the Merriest" - "We wish you the merriest, the merriest, the merriest, the merriest to youWe wish you the merriest, the merriest, the merriest, yes the merriest, / We wish you the merriest, the merriest, the merriest Yule cheer,/ We wish you the happiest, the happiest, the happiest, yes the happiest, / We wish you the happiest, the happiest, the happiest New Year./ May your tree be filled with happiness, happiness and friendliness for all / May your heart be filled with cheerfulness," /
(Yes this is actually a song, if you've ever heard it, you know how much it sucks.)